Tuesday, January 14, 2014

That awkward moment in bed when you gently caress your wife's Snoogle

C is for Snoogle?
Or is it a large mustache?

So there is this awesome product out there for pregnant women, or women shortly after they had a baby.  It is designed to keep the mom on her side when pregnant to avoid undue pressure on the arteries in the back, and nerves, and so on.  It is about 5' long and hooked at both ends, and a woman curls up in it.

And I cannot lie.  As a man who sometimes gets a nap in (we all love nappies, don't deny it) a Snoogle snuggle is sometimes just what the doctor ordered.  Or would have ordered.  If the doctor knew about the therapeutic properties of a Snoogle.  If you don't have kids and are reading this, don't judge me and my Snoogle and I won't judge you and your Snuggie.

It also can be useful post baby as a corral for a child or for mama to curl up in with a baby next to her.  My wife used it after since she had a c-section and it gently held things together without irritating her incision.  Now that she is pregnant with our second, the Snoogle hiatus is over.  It has rejoined us in bed.  While that doesn't bother me at all, what does is it create a barrier.  A sort of Great Wall of Snoogle.  Which post birth isn't bad because it keeps a man at bay.

What it does create is awkward moments.  Like for instance a short while ago my wife was lying facing me and the opening on the Snoogle was facing me as well.  Like Pacman was eating my wife and I was next.  However this wasn't made aware to me when she got into bed, and I had my back to her.  Well she wanted to snuggle, but instead of moving the Snoogle she was straddling it and scooted up close.  And I got the full package; I got probed by her Snoogle phalange right in my rump.  I mentioned that and we laughed, then I told her to put it away and I wasn't in the mood; which we laughed some more and promptly returned to watching the baby monitor.

There are other instances of thinking I am caressing her thigh.....Snoogled.

Or pinching a heiny.....Snoogled.

Or trying to get out of bed after trying to sleep in.....Snoogled.  Just because it is so gosh darn comfy I don't want to leave.

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