Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Baby Kung Fu: The Deadliest Martial Art

In the craziness of today's world we have to arm ourselves and instruct our children in ways to protect themselves.  However very few know that a new born can possess the ability to end life shortly after they have started their own.  A recent YouTube documentary filmmaker risked his life to bring you....BABY KUNG FU!

The YouTuber PatrickBoivin made this sensational video that has gone all over the world, at least I am guessing so by the views.  But what many think is cute is actually a real thing.

My son Jojo has the ability to look you straight in the eyes, unblinking, and unleash a fury of kicks, chops, punches and war cries.  Just yesterday we were locked in a deadly battle where he just giggled to his little heart's content as he brandished his baby brass-knuckles and battle ax creating a deadly whirlwind of doom.  He thought it was funny; I was fighting for my life.  After mom came and saved me I realized that we just need a legion, nay a horde, of babies trained up in the mortiferous martial art of Baby Kung Fu.

Just like the Ewok assassins of Endor, a small group of crawling 8-month-olds could infiltrate an enemy's position and make hasty work of the enemy combatant.  Why?  Simply because a small child crawling on the floor will cry until picked up by an unsuspecting soldier who thinks the cries are a need for comfort, when in reality it is the war shrieks of a regiment of ruthless life reapers.

And reap they will.

If the enemy were to choose to fortify their position, we can take a page from the old war weapons and catapult dirty diapers into their compound till they surrender or enter the world of deceased by diaper.  Even our small garbage can that holds MAYBE a few days worth of dirty diapers could be used as a biological weapon in large scale modern warfare.

Or none of the above, because war isn't a place for babies.  They belong in a parents arms; being gazed upon lovingly, staring into their bright eyes and soaking up the moment you have as a parent and child.

Just like your face will soak up the impact of a Baby Kung Fu's flying fist of fury!
No chance for a stuntman stand-in here.
All punishment no remorse.

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